Reviews by pamela voorhees

What a way to create a classic; combine clowns, outer space, popcorn, and of course.. the planet Earth as Prey. Thus creating Killer Klowns From Outer Space and always giving me a dvd to reach for that a friend of mine has never seen and say "Here, you want to laugh your ass off? Let's watch this!" The plot is simple, yet effective. It's so out there that even the charters don't believe what's going on. clowns from outer space have landed and are abducting people; keeping them in coccoons made entirley of cotton candy and it's very easy for these aliens to capture humans. Who's gonna be scared of a clown? definetley not little kids, naming them as easy targets, along with weaker people. A young couple sees what is goign on and are trying to alert the police; yet not even they believe the story told.. until it is too late. Phones start ringing off the hook and heads start getting knocked off bikers as the clown make themselves aware; and start the mass attack. That tiny clown brings such a big smile to my face and I can't wait to get him tattooed on me; boxing gloves and all. Hanging up on citezens in trouble is the stubborn policeman Curtis Mooney; beliving even the hundreds of people calling in trouble are all in this scam and are out to make a fool of him. Suddenly a firm believer when the clowns show up at his station and show him why people are reporting "killer" clowns. Overall, this is a movie to leave on repeat at a party; so someone could randomly scream "what the fuck are we watching?" setting up laughter to go round. Good job to everyone responsible for making this movie happen!

Debbie Stone: We were up at "the top of the world" and we saw this shooting star and we decided to go look for it. But instead of finding the shooting star we saw this... this circus tent. And that's when we went inside, and that is when we saw those people in those... those pink, cotton candy cocoons. Dave, it was not a circus tent. It was something else.
Dave Hanson: What? What?
Mike Tobacco: It was a space ship. And there was these things, these killer clowns, and they shot popcorn at us! We barely got away!
Curtis Mooney: Killer clowns, from outer space. Holy shit!

After hearing good things about this film from my friend; I decided to borrow it from him and give it a watch before I bought it. Trusting his judgement and willing to go outside of the scope of the usual movies I watch (this didn't seem like I would enjoy it) I started it up and realized it's realtation to my real life. Two people alone, phone and lights cut off, isolation, and most importantly all those strange sounds coming from outside. The faact that I live in a house with woods as a backyard and me and the Mrs. were in fact all alone did add to the creepyness of the film. One thing I'd hate to actually happen to me; to actually be stalked out side my own home. When your own fortress, not a lake or a certain place you'll never go to, comes up in a scene of murder threatening and scaring the shit out of you on film, it makes you think alot more; as well as look behind you every minute or two. good job ils for bringing this shit to my doorstep!

Child: We just want to play with you... won't you play with us?

One for the books, yet another great flick from Writter/Producer/Director Robert Rodriguez finishing up his trilogy of "El Mariachi". This film fetures much more depth than previous installment "Desperado" yet they sink right into each other. Reappearing are both Cheech Marin and Danny Trejo (playing different characters since they both died in Desperado) to ultimetley fall victim again before the movie's end. Vengeance is key is this film much like the last, only "El" finds himself wanting more blood from general Marquez; the man repsonsible for the death of his wife and daughter. Only appearing as a dream sequence in this film is Salma Hayek, to help patch in holes through time. Done very well, setting up the way for them to fall, both the general after being betrayed by her and the mariachi herself; showing they were both left to die but never did. The conclusion was a bloody one, but this time "El" walked away knowing that justice was served; killing the man responsible for the death of his family by inturupting General Marquez's attemped Coup, as hired by drug lord Barillo. Thrown into play as well are CIA agent Sands as well as a retired FBI agent, A fleeing American along side Barillo, a psychopathic torture doctor, a kid selling gum who helps Sands See, more members along side the Mariachi, and of course.. A Whole Bunch of Dead Bodies. At only 102 minutes, this movies feels like it's alot longer; in a good way. Enjoying every minute of it, and looking forward to the next after the last one has past, this movie is a must own. Buy 2 copies, and give one to someone who doesn't have it. I did that to be honest.

[El meets Cucuy in the middle of town]
Cucuy: There's cartel on every corner.
El Mariachi: Sands told me you handle protection.
Cucuy: I don't work for Sands anymore. And since I'm a Mexi-can, I can do whatever I want.
El Mariachi: Then I guess I don't work for Sands neither. Goodbye.
[Cucuy grabs his arm]
Cucuy: There's a price on your head. I'm going to collect. Why don't you just tell Barillo everything you know and then maybe he'll just cut off your hands.
El Mariachi: And if I don't?
Cucuy: Remember that old man I killed in your village? What if your whole village was next?
El Mariachi: Would you kill them?
Cucuy: Me?
[Points to his men]
Cucuy: They certainly would.
El Mariachi: Then I guess I have no choice... but to kill you all.

A very good job was done (at least to my knowlege for the city of New York) at covering up exactly what this movie was about. Nobody knew what it was about; yet most the people I talked to wanted to see it. Something, could have been biological and/or supernatural, was destroying New York City in glimpses of clips in the commercials and advertisements. I remeber goign on a double date to see this on opening night, with a packed theatre and no choice but to sit in the second row of a stadium mind you. I would have sat there anyways, because that's the type of movie I knew this was going to be. Starting the movie was a going away party for Rob Hawkins, a buddy Hud filming on a video camera. Just enough drama and usual party antics to keep your attention on it then BAM! Just like that, the ground shakes and the lights flicker; as if the whole city shook. There's not turning on the news to find out what's happening, which I liked so much.. it's like your going with it as it happens with no time to do anything but try and survive and bare witness to the destruction of a city. Attempted evacuations made me jump when I saw the tail like object rise from the water and destroy a bridge (not sure if it was the Brooklyn or Williamsburgh) with one fell swoop, taking dozens with it. Not only the close seats and the fact that I live in New York Scared me and made me think; but the fact I actually had to go to Manhattan the next day made it all even worse, like a per video for something I'm gonna be marching into. Nothing was predictable in this movie to me because like I said, I went into this not knowing anything. Most of all, like in all movies, I'm a fan of a real, unhappy ending. If someone could save the day, then fine.. let them. But if not, Let's keep it real now. Not sure if a sequel is in the works, but as much as I'd like to know further; I don't think the movie needs to make any more of an impact.

Hud: Do you guys remember a couple of years ago when that guy was lighting homeless people on fire in the subways?
Rob Hawkins: Jesus, Hud! Maybe not the best time for this conversation down here!
Hud: Right.
[awkward silent pause]
Hud: I just can't stop thinking how scary it'd be if a flaming homeless guy came running...
Rob Hawkins, Lily Ford, Marlena Diamond: HUD!
Hud: I'm just saying. Sorry.

YES! I had to do it. This was the funniest dvd i have ever.. EVER watched in my life so far. The hardest I've laughed to movie in my own home besides Evil Dead 2; this movie failed to comprise and just dished out a collabiration of gross un predictable humour. Given what Tom green has to abide by and cut out of his tv show, I wasn't ready for this flick, and I'm sure I speak for quite a few people when I say it hit me like a punch in the face with a glove filled with cement! In the midst of the baby delivering-self made chord cutting bamboo wakcing and horse masturbating there actually is a plot; believe it or not. Young Gord Brody attamps to follow his dreams of cartooning for a career, so he decides to move out to hollywood and work at a cheese sandwhich factory while trying to sell his drawings to executives of cartooning companies. Distraught by the complexities of making a cheese sandwhich and down about his denial from cartooning executive, Gord moves back in with in parents; only to start an entirley new mess of trouble and ultimetley spawn his idea for a new, sucessful cartoon. ZEBRAS IN AMERICA! The idea for this cartoon hits Gord when his long time friend sees a drawing of Gord and his father, showing him how it's funny to others (but not him unfortunatley because it's his life). The battles between Gord and his father (Rip Torn was PERFECT for this role) are legendary, and Tom green complete idiocy in this film makes it unforgettable, and hard not to watch at least once a freaking week. The name Freddy Got Fingered came from a false accusation of Jim Brody fingering Freddy when he was young in the basement; ruining both Jim and Freddy's life; ending the freedom of Freddy and putting him in an institution for molested children (where they play Texas Chainsaw Massacre on TV). As for Jim; his wife leaves him for Shaq and he gets jizzed on by an elephant; just awesome.. but proven to him was his son ability to make money from his "doodles" thus spawning a lesson as well!! Watch out for a kid who gets hit with just about everything that could hurt a face, including a glass wine bottle and a car door.. plus a baseball that sends his tooth right through his lip.. amazing.

Betty: But Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just want to suck your cock.

The late 90's flick written by the twisted mind of Twisted Sister's lead singer, Dee snider and directed by John Pipelow about a small town in Colorado just like any other little town with a sadistic killer osbsessed with piercings and submission, as well as turned on by putting the town's residents through tremendous amounts of torture. Found early on in the movie after kidnapping detective Mike Gage's own daughter and making it personal for him. It gets personal as well for the killer named Captain Howdy (Dee Snider) after being found not guilty and released, but dragged out and hung by the public of the town without the help of close watcher and witness to the lynching Mike Care himself. Now, after the tree branch breaking and his life being spared by mother nature (What a Rush!) and very angered and repierced, Captian Howdy is ready to punch needles through the skin of his towns memebers and battle it out all over again with the Detective equiped with his daughter yet again as a barganing chip. Filled with great music and some freaksihly squemy scenes of torture, the sequel needs to come out sometime soon. Many people besides myself are looking forward to it, and have been for a while now.

Captain Howdy: We must all go through a rite of passage, and it must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

One of the best collections of a movie series known to existance! Features every Nightmare on Elm Street film plus a bonus disk named the Nightmare Encyclopedia, filled with information on the series and answering just about every question pondered about the birth of the burned man with knife fingers. I was lucky enough to get this boxed set signed by Freddy Krueger himself; Robert Englund at a horror convention in New Jersey a few years back. I enjoy the side veiw when all discs are put toger in the box of the back view of Freddy with and overcoat and both hands behind his back taken from the "New Nightmare" film. Before buying this I actually looked for each individual movie to purchase (I like mounting them on my dvd racks and the plastic covers, not a fan of the cardboard pop covers) but they were not availible. It's very hard for me to watch just one of these films without spending the whole day watching the series, but if i had to pick a favorite out of this series, it would have to be either part 3:"The Dream warriors" or "Freddy's Dead: the Final Nightmare" but again; I try not to pick favorites. All murders are insanely unique and most ironic for the victims themselves; which is even more cruel of a death for them all. Sucks they get punished for their parent's decision to take the law into their own hands and burn Freddy's house down.. Sucks for Them!



Nancy: What I learned in the dream clinic. That's what I'm trying to prove mother. Rod didn't kill Tina and he didn't hang himself. There's this guy. He's after us in our dreams.
Marge: But that's just not reality Nancy.
Nancy: [Pulling Krueger's hat out of a drawer] It's real momma, feel it.
Marge: Give me that damn thing!
Nancy: It even has his name written in it. Fred Krueger mom. Fred Krueger.
[Realizing her mother knows about him]
Nancy: Do you know who that is mother? Because if you do you better tell me cause he's after me now.

Finally a good ghost movie for the 21st century! Starring Tony Shalhoub, playing the nephew of a very rich man who dies while trying to capture the last ghost of his collection. While the late Mr. Kriticos' lawyer shows the mansion left to the nephew and his family, they encounter ghost hunter Dennis Rifkin (as played as Matthew Lillard) who warns them about their dead relative's interesting collection of spirits. More and more gets revealed as time goes on in this movie, almost to a T! from time released ghosts to facts and surprises known only by a certain person suddenly brought out and spilled by them to everyone thats left standing. Every ghost has a unique place in this house run by the dead to open the eye of hell; everyone from the torn Prince to the Jackal has a tendency to cause as much chaos and bloodshed as possible! Actually sucessful this time was the comic relief of Lillard; one of the only movies i enjoyed him in. Not many deaths in this flick but not many were needed. from start to finish had enough close calls and violent images through the other side of life, plus the deaths that happened were awfully awesome! Movies where glasses are key to seeing another dimension or breed of beings always work in my book. Some people are not made out to be what they seem, and be sure to look out for the fourth ghost!

Rafkin: There are ghosts in the basement!
Maggie: This basement?
Dennis Rafkin: Of course this basement! What is it with you people? If it was the basement next door I wouldn't give a shit, would I?

The thought of not seeing sunlight for 30 days really freaks me out, not in a scary way, just a lack of faith for lighting. Imagining that in Alaska; isolated and slowly being picked off by vampires in the most grapihc of ways. Using the veins and other major sources of bloodflow as straws while surrounded by darkness really gave me an interest to see this movie, but i waited til it came out on video because of a great deal of mixed reviews. Upon seeing it, i formed my own opinion and it was a good one; seeing how i myself am not into vampire movies. Along with the movie "Near Dark", I appriciated the gore in this flick, not so much the sucking of the blood and the vampire languaege; but the blood itself. Including quite a few swings of that axe Sheriff Eben Oleson had glued to his hand, the conflicts of human survival from these bloodsuckers of the night really made me think... Could I kill someone that close to me if they happened to turn and want to drain my blood? Absofreakinglutley. I could see how there were mixed reviews for this movie; some more of a fan of the graphic novel, and some people just are not a fan of newer movies. Form your own opinion, I myself thought it had the shock potential to keep your attention and the bloodshed like a horror movie should.

[upon finding a bag of pot at the sheriff's station]
Sheriff Eben Oleson: What the hell is that?
Jake Oleson: It's pot. It helps her with her cancer.
Helen Munson: Didn't tell you I got a little greenhouse at home. Didn't want you arresting me.
Sheriff Eben Oleson: Now I know why you wanted to go live with grandma.

Got any money Jersey boy? Wanna Date?
Medical school dropout Jeffery Franken quickly becomes a distraught man who loses his wife due to a tragic lawnmower accident at a birthday party. Not knowing how to move on or function without her, her decides to revive her; but only her head is salvagable. Not about to give up on spending his life with her (or what's left of her) he cruses up and down the red light district to find a body to mount his sweet Elizabeth's head onto, only to be stuck on picking the right host. Perfect ass here, nice legs here. How to decide? He just can't, so the next best action is taken. Not a violent man or someone who has the nerve to take a life, let alone enough to put together the perfect parts; he let's the drugs that are killing them due the job... but Way Faster. Developing a "Super-Crack" in his lab, all he has to do is make the hookers aware he has it on them, and then starts the party! The idea of this story actually coming to life- literally is astonishing; only something you'd joke around about while stoned off your ass.. but this film was put together so well and the unheard of plot of New York's vice's all being merged together was a blessing to my Television. Graphic explosions of at least 6 hookers and blood splatter, combined with the hilarious antics of Zorror the pimp put this movie among my favorites forever.

Newscaster: In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad... a salad that police are still trying to gather up... a salad that was once named Elizabeth.