Reviews by pamela voorhees

Join The Fun!... Human Dart Boards... "Home Style Brain Surgery"... Dental Hijinks! Also named "The incredible Torture Show", Joel Reed's Bloodsucking Freaks is an amazingly vulgar display of what certain people are into; combining both the live stage presence of the theatre, and the sadist torture which visually and sexually stun the Thetre's operator and owner... Master Sardu. Accompanied by his little assistant Ralphus, Sardu tortures naked women on stage for a living and intives people at a price to watch the "act" After seeing the performance, some skeptikal critics blurt out they're feelings for the realism of the deaths; not knowing the comments just left bought them a ticket to be an actual pert of the Sardu show. A friend of mine was able to meet Joel Reed and said that he has one of the sickest minds to date; clearly shown in this movie, including homestlye brain(sucking)surgery, A cage full of naked women that are fed people, and of course.. naked slaves with apparatuses and long coats to flash and kidnap those unsuspecting critics. Great flick without comprimise, very ballsy and an interpretation all Joel Reed's.. from his sick mind to film.

Master Sardu: Her mouth shall make an interesting urinal!

It really does. In Fact, im doing this review in my closet called an office. Every person i know who has a job loves this movie because they can relate to simply not going into work anymore. Just about every aspect of work sucks, from being bossed around to deadlines, to even everyone's version of the dreaded "tps" reports. hell, in my office i even have that secretary with the high voice; she says "hi, how are you?" a good 65 times a day. The movie is based around someone sick of not only their job, but how the office system works, so he came up with a plan to start a virus which dumps fractions of his companies transactions into a private account; not enough to really notice but enough to live off of. The big fuck you to the man, hell yea. His friends go along with him after he reveals the knowlegde of both their terminations. Yep, they got fired for doing they're job; and he gets a promotion for sheming on initech and coming and going as he pleases. Good thing he made it good with the Bobs. Made by Mike judge, im glad to see the "stapler" guy brought to life from the comic. The ending is a bit of a kick in the ass, but overall I loved the idea; other people miserable at work. YEa, and fuck that fax machine, it got what it deserved.


Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

A very on the fence movie, with no one i've asked liking it, only loving it or hating it. I myself thought it was a really good idea, funny, and serious at the exact time it needed to be. A documentary about the rise of the next great serial killer of our time. Exposing everything in a killers perspective, including picking out a group of kids; and yes of course the survivor girl. Leslie also shows you excerises to keep up with the group as well as stragegies in the house where he surronds and kills off each person. At one point in this movie I felt the humour was more on the cruel side towards one of my favorite genres of horror movies, but then i gave it a chnce and realized it was all in good fun. I knew it for sure was in good fun when Robert Englund stepped into the pciture as the sherrif hellbent on capturing Leslie. What an original plot; I'd love to see the whole movie as an actual slasher though.

Jamie: I'll tell you: never hang out with a virgin. You got a virgin in your crew, either get somebody in her pants or get the hell away from her.
Eugene: Aside from that, the simple answer is: run like a motherfucker and don't stop till the sun comes up.

9 Discs, 4 Movies, What a boxed set! i got to pick this up for 20 bucks on sale at circiut city.. (sometimes sales are good for movie fans) I didn't think it was what i was looking for, only the movies. I took it home and unfolded and kept unfolding, this thing went on for days. Definetly worth the money, even if it sells for about 35 to 40 dollars on ebay and wherever else. Since I am reviewing the boxed set itself, not the movies individually, no quotes are neede. To pick one from a single movie can't be done, I'll reiview them all eventually.
-S

I know many will disagree with me but, in MY eyes, the best vamp movie in my collection (one of the onlys, I'm a zombie myself)
A story following a cowboy who wouldent take no for an answer from a girl he has never seen before. Within the first few minutes of meeting her, he finds himself smoking as he runs home and the sun comes out. Before making it home, he is kidnapped by a family of renegade vampires who cover their vehicles in aluminum foil to keep out of the sun. Careless about anything but themselves, they all want Colton to prove himself to the family by taking a life and feeding off the blood of humans; for he is no longer one. Colton finds himself torn between Mae and the tribe of vamps or his father and sister, especially when he falls into a situation of them both together in a hotel. More on the thriller side and keeping my attention from the pure sick twisted mind of Severn; the character played by Bill Paxton, this is one of the few flicks to make me smile and root for the bad guy without caring about a body count.

Bartender: What do you people want?
Jesse: just a few more minutes of your time. About the same duration as the rest of your life.

after many sad excuses of movies passed through my dvd player on my laptop for less than 5 minutes before I threw them back in the case, this needle in a haystack caught my eye at hollywood video. Since I'd get the price of one rental for the whole day through a friend, i took back watever piece of shit dvd i was trying to watch and picked this out. Finally i made a good choice and picked this one out. Filled with laughs, a good b cast, and chainsaw undead DIY violence.. what more could a guy ask for (shoulden't have said that, now everyone whos a guy is gonna comment "boobs") A zombie flick witha southern voodoo twist; about a box with powers of possesion. The person responsible for breaking the seal of good luck on the box, brings bad luck and the power to control a person just by putting a peice of them or they're blood inside. Once nice breaks the seal, The town of Lovelock turn into a hoe-down bloodbath of epic proportions. Narrated mostly by that southern rocker who works at the gas station, this movie brought about joy and laughter and made me wanna dance; but at the same time a gore appriciation I haven't felt for a b movie thats been out since a 1992 flick. something i would reccomend to not waste your time renting and just buy, the dvd out on shelves has more features than the standard Blockbuster issue anyways, and you'll wanna watch this more than once.

"What the heck happened back there?"
"Fuck! What? I dont' know. He, Johnny.. Whatever the fuck that was walked in with the guy with the pruning shears and the shit with the foamy mouth, and just started fucking everyone up. And the poeple that got fucked up, just started getting up off the floor, and fucking everyone one else up."
"Dang."

These are his woods! After a bad breakup, Ben's friends go with him to Mardi Gras to lift his spirits. Not working, Ben leaves all but one (who tags along) to find his own way to feel better, a haunted swamp ride through the Louisiana snake infested swamp. Along the 40 dollar scam called a tour, the guide tells a story about the legend of Victor Crowley, misfit kid who lived in these swamps; and whos father kills him by accident trying to get into their blazing house with a hatchet; ironically trying to save him from the fire. Shortly after, the boat breaks down and the group of ametuer pornstar idiots, wholesome hubby and wife, and girl who keeps to herself but has too good of knowledge of where she is are stuck. No help, no next tour ferry, no cell phone reception; these guys are fucked. Victor Crowley makes his presence known and violently kills a few of them. Gasping, running for air, the girl who knew too much was there to find her father and brother; who she believed was killed by Crowley. That's right, the story is true! a horrofyingly mutilated Victor Crowley lurks the swamp hunting them down in some death scenes i personally stood up in the theatre and fucking clapped for. The entire movie makes you hate, and love seeing those you hate die; along with laughter brought by the token black guy. It's not a remake. It's not a sequel. And it's not based on a japanese one. Hatchet is Old School American Horror. I didn't think they could bring it back, but this movie proved me wrong. Good going on this, and keep the body count rising in this same fashion!

Misty: Are you sure the number is 911?
Jenna: What else would it be, dumbass?
Misty: Well how should I know if it's the cell, maybe you have to type in a different area code.

THIS HAS BEEN REVISED.. I wrote Sweeds (Swedes) instead of Norwegians.. a dozen, six times, Same Thing I Guess. My Apologies, hopefully I'll get more votes.

Antarctica. Winter. 1982. Good enough plot to me. A group of scientists in the Antarctic hear gunshots outside and what appears to be a Norwegian helicopter shooting down at a snow dog. Before the Norwegians could kill the dog, Garry shoots the Norwegian and the helicopter explodes. (if you look closely you can actually see the body get sent high into the air) From that moment where they take the so called "dog" into their base, nothing will ever be the same. Morhping and killing other dogs in the kennel, The group finds themselves staring at an alien being far beyond what they are prepared for or what they could believe. When disected and studied, the scientists find out the being was not a dog, but something immitating the dogs cells and genetic structure; spawning the thought of who else might be just a clone or copy of themselves. Riddled by this, a few members venture to where the Norwegians base is located and discover that the Norwegians discovered a space ship type structure.. and even worse, looked as if something from that ship was thawed out recently. Paranoia gets to the best of just about every character as each is accused by the other of being taken over by this "thing" and insanity sets in shortly there after. Some of the most gruesome dimemberments and odd distortions of the human figure; drugs had to be in John Carpenter's system while shooting this notch in movie history. Don't just WANT to see this movie... SEE IT.

Childs: You're gonna have to sleep sometime, MacReady.
MacReady: I'm a real light sleeper, Childs.

..And Tombs Your Cities! Written by Dario Argento and Lamberto Bava and Dircted by Bava... They did just that! The movie takes place inside a movie theatre which most of the people there were somehow coaxed there through a combination of getting flyers for it and having nothing to do. The group shortly finds themselves fighting a demonic force of satanic creatures, the first to be a hooker (lady in the night to be P.C.) who scratches her face on a mask exhibit in the front lobby. (This girl looks like Rick James and I didn't spot it til I was watching it really stoned, and every time she came out and attacked, I screamed "I'm Rick James bitch!" making my friend never forget seeing the flick.) As the movie the group is watching progresses, shit goes more and more wrong and the demons numbers are stacking up. Before long, all are trapped and realizing there's no escaping their demonic fate. The transformations from human to demon were spectacular, even for it's time now against CGI filled fuck-ups called movies. One of the movies that stand out in my collection, along with it's sequel. Not sure yet, but the signed copy i got from Bava himself might be going in my casket when I die; I'm posting a pic of him choking the shit out of me at a bar from Fango con last June.
Ahh, to be my age in 1985, seeing this come out in theatres, along with Re-animator, Return of the Living Dead, and Evil Dead; what a fucking year!



Cheryl: I don't know how to explain it, but it's the movie that's making this happen!
Tony the Pimp: She's right, she put on that mask and scratched herself, get it? Because of that scratch, she became a demon. An instrument of evil, like they said in the damn movie, you heard it. We got to stop it I tell you, we got to stop the movie!

YOU DON'T! What a gore fest! an all around funny movie with appreciation for the horror around it. this movie sticks in your head, in a good way. The Z.A.S. was formed by the government to seek out and destroy all zombies; as well as find a cure for the diease causing people to get up and eat the living. The pressure is on to find a cure when one of their own get bitten after stumbling upon a cult who wants this to wipe out mankind for the belief of god's will. some members of this squad are named ironically similar to the last names of horror directors/makeup people. I saw this dvd for 5 bucks in a box at a convention and urged my friend to get it, i had it and didn't need two copies.. he said no, and no one knows where the fuck he is. If your thinking of buying this, do it or you might disappear.

"Why is it still moving? does'nt it realize it's dead?!!?!"
Hopefully someone will be saying this about me in the future.